I saw Tim Miller's “Lay of the Land” last night. It really was a wonderful piece and if you have the opportunity to see it or any of Tim's work you really should.
I felt extremely uncomfortable at Friday afternoon's talk/mini-performance from him and at the performance last night. I usually tell people that I don't go to theatre in Austin anymore because I lack the money and time but that's a lie. I'm uncomfortable around the UT theatre community that I used to be part of but ceased to engage with after I graduated. I was so happy in 2003 and 2004, even though my LiveJournal from those years would tell you otherwise, when I was a theatre major and I was beginning to study performance studies and got to take classes with people like Jill Dolan and Paul Bonin-Rodriguez. While I was the quiet one, the nerdy one, the one that was never going to be a performance artist I still felt like I had a home and that people somewhat cared about my opinions. I love live performance even though I'm too awkward to do it myself. I always thought I'd stay in the theatre. Now when I go back to events in the theatre building on campus or into the vibrant live theatre I dread it. I don't want to see my former theatre professors or fellow students. I don't want to get into a conversation about what my life has become and I'm not sure anyone remembers my name anymore. Or, they might remember my name, but why would they really care?
That said, I am extremely happy I went to see “Lay of the Land”. Beyond chanting silently to myself, “NEA Four! NEA Four!” I got to see a preeminent performance artist share his craft. I've always been in awe of performers who can weave their own personal narratives into something bigger than themselves. I was not a little gay boy at age 10 but, damn, I feel like I have some idea of it. This is why I'm in awe of writers who can do the same thing. I always feel that when I try to write my own narratives into narrative non-fiction or performance that it comes out stilted and smells vaguely of TMI. I really wish I knew what was blocking me or how to overcome it.
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I think you answered your own question. "When I try to write my own narratives into narrative non-fiction or performance...it smells vaguely of TMI." "I'm not sure anyone remembers my name...or they might, but why would they really care?" That's EXACTLY what's blocking you.
ReplyDeleteYou have to trust that _someone_ will find value in what you have to say. Some people will! Some people won't, yes, but it's not worth it to waste time thinking about them. Until you really believe that, it's all going to seem like TMI and it won't come out right. Believe that what you are doing and saying is important, and other people will believe it too!