My grandmother died this morning.
My grandmother died this morning.
My grandmother died this morning and I've been sitting here, staring at my computer screen for the past hour, trying to make the words that sounded so good in my head come out of my fingers and on to this page. My grandmother died this morning and I can't decide whether I'm sad, mad, or not that surprised. I think I'm all three.
I don't have a big family, so I haven't gone through this kind of loss before. My grandfather passed away some years ago, but we hadn't talked since I was ten. My great grandmother, my Nana, died a few years ago, too, but I didn't cry. But my grandmother? I was close to her. And it's tearing me up inside.
She'd been sick for years. She had her first stroke when I was 10. It happened as we were leaving the theatre after seeing Aladdin. She stumbled and fell onto a trash can. I helped her up and she said she was fine. She drove me home, drove herself home, and then called my mother and aunt for help. I don't know why she didn't just call for help from the theatre. I think she wanted to get me home safely. I like to think that she was trying to avoid scaring me. She was like that; she tended to do for others before herself. I wish she hadn't bothered; I was scared.
She'd been in a nursing home full time since my late teens. She'd gone through phases of doing well with her myriad of conditions – diabetes, high blood pressure, etc – and doing poorly. I haven't seen her as often as I should have or would have liked to due to the fact that she's hundreds of miles away. The last time I saw her, it was winter. I hope it won't always be winter when I think of her.
My grandmother was always there for me. She was the one who took me roller skating every Saturday and sat on the hard benches in the food court while I spent two hours skating in a circle and playing video games. I used to wave to her every time I passed her. She was the one who took me to Alladin's Castle, the only video game arcade in town, and sat on the benches outside the arcade while I spent my last penny each week pretending I was a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, a paper delivery boy, or an Italian plumber. It was her house I walked to after school everyday from the fourth grade through the ninth; where I watched the final episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation; where I had my first kiss, and promptly told her about it because I was embarrassed and mortified by the whole thing. My grandmother loved me and I loved her. It will never be the same without her.
Rest in Peace, Grandma. I love you.
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That was lovely. I am so sorry for your loss, Angie!
ReplyDeleteMy grandma was in the same town, up until she moved with my parents, after I was in USAF.
I spent every weekend with her. We'd go to church, then do something wonderful/fun/nice after. Knott's Berry Farm, zoo, Arboretum, or just hang-out with her and my cool grandpa. (He's a whole 'nuther story!)
You and I were lucky. A lot of kids only saw their grandparents on a vacation trip, and had to share time with assorted cousins during a holiday! We had them to ourselves, and that makes us mighty!
You were there for her as well. That opportunity to make a grandchild's life more special is the most precious gift there is for many people at that stage of life.
ReplyDeleteTime spent with people like our grandmothers is what makes the past a beautiful place, we are fortunate to have had that opportunity.
awwwwwww Poor Angie. At least now she's running like a banshee without all the problems. Can you imagine your grandma dancing on the clouds with a huge smile on her face?
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